Is Age Really Just a Number

We all know the saying “Age is nothing but a number” but I want to ask the question we all dare to ask… Is it really? Ok bear with me a second and see where I am heading to. So a good friend gave me some explosive gist recently and NO!!!! I am not going to share the details. But basically he/she was contemplating doing something that was not him/her (hahaha I am keeping you people guessing). So anyway the person in question was asking what to do and I in my infinite wisdom announced that age is nothing but a number and caution should be thrown to the wind. But now I find myself asking is this really so.

Even though we all claim that age does not define our actions it is infact the defining criteria for a lot of things. For example, age determines when we should start school, when it is acceptable to have a boyfriend/ girlfriend, when we should become more social and the big one when we should have our s**t together. The list goes on and on, with such a long list on age side should we really be ignoring it.

Let me give you a more direct example. 10 years ago (Oh gosh I am getting old) just like many people my age I rocked many fads and one of those where the ever sexy bum shorts. I had many different varieties, the shorter the better. I never saw anything wrong with them and I wore them as often as I could. Fast forward 10 years later and it is like I don’t use to be thinking like that anymore.

This is what happened I dusted out one of my regular shorts, paired it with a casual t-shirt and started to strut my stuff as I normally would but something was different. I suddenly noticed this vast layer of flesh on display and omo I was uncomfortable like I really just wanted to take them off.  I tried to invoke the spirit of my early youth (yes I said it… I am still young) but even that failed me. Finally I decided to shock myself back to my old self, so I decided to step outside with hubby in my shorts. And well that back fired, I spent the whole time hiding in the car, hoping no one could see me.

So back to my ultimate question is age really just a number? Just a year ago I had no issues strutting my stuff in my shorts and now well now I am running for the hills.  What happened, did society finally influence me, did the enemy poison my mind against shorts, did I outgrow my shorts or did I just get to old to wear shorts. And if that is the case how long will it be before age starts to influence more than my willingness to show skin.

I mean the list could be endless. Just think could I one day become those women we all dread, you know those women that go about with an invisible ruler, measuring the length of everyone skirts and scolding men for showing their underwear to the world. Scratch that I already think I am that woman, men!!!! there should be no reason to show your underwear to the world, it is just not it. Please stop.

Ok that is enough from me, what do you guys think is age really just a number, or do we just lie to ourselves to give us a loop hole to do the things we want to do. Please let me know your thoughts. As for me I think it’s time to retire the bum shorts.

The Consequences of a Plus One - Part Two

I know what you are all thinking, where is part one, well I wrote part one like 3 years ago and maybe one day I’ll share it with you guys. So let’s get started, today I am writing about a topic that I have seen happen to so many people that I should not be shocked that this happened to me, but here I am doing 100 squats a day trying to reverse this atrocity that has occurred. Yes that is right I am talking about weight gain, to be specific “Post Wedding Weight Gain”.

Being a plus size child, you cannot begin to imagine how excited I was when I finally lost the weight, nothing gave me greater joy than being able to shop from the front of the rack. Oh happy days… And because I was so happy I did my very best to stay that way. Yes I yo-yoed over the years, I would go up then come down, go up then come down multiple times, but nothing gave me greater joy than the fact I was always a stable size no matter what.

So you can imagine my horror when I tried on one of my dresses and it would not fit. And by that I mean it did not go down my hips. I remember that moment clearly, I thought myself this has to be a mistake, something must be caught somewhere, this dress cannot not fit me. #sniff. But alas I was lying to myself the dress did not fit and I had to face my reality. I had gained weight.

Trust me I came up with a plan, this weight was going to disappear just like the other times it is nothing I cannot handle. Omo I was wrong oh.. one month into my elaborate plan and I had gained even more weight choi.. the devil can like to be a liar.. this weight will disappear by force or by fire. But nothing I tried seemed to work and was almost giving up when it came to me like 3 women gossiping discussing on a dining table well because that is how it happened, “THE MEN ARE TO BLAME”!!!!!

Humour me for a second, post saying “I do”, we women are usually in the peak of our physical condition with Hot! Hot!! Hot!!! Bodies, everything is as it should be. Then we say “I do” and next thing we know that belly start to protrude and those hips are looking hipper (yes it is a word). And what is the key difference, these men that eat 3 square meals a day, making us eat more, these men that want to cuddle after every meal, which makes us less active. These men with bigger portion sizes that we unconsciously use as our new basis so our portion sizes get bigger. These men that make eating ice cream and other junk food ok, so we do it too. #crying this is so unfair…

Anyway there is no use crying over spilt milk, I made my bed or in this case I put the spoon in my mouth so now I have to deal with it. The only solace I can get from this is that it is slowly happening to them too. I can see that belly starting to form under that shirt… mwhahahahaha. Ok back to reality and my squats… Kia!!! 100 squats, I better get started 100..99..98..97..96..95.. 

I know a shortcut

The first time I heard those words had to be when I was about 8 or 9 years old. Until this day I had faithfully followed the path that was shown to me to get to the market. But all too soon this pathway became all too lengthy and I began to seek alternatives. So when my tempter sister said those words to me I swallowed up the entire promise and said “lead the way”.

And so it began, we took a route that wiped clean 50% of the journey; words cannot describe how gidi I was when my final destination came into sight. I began to think about ways of how I could turn my new found knowledge into a profitable investment. Ugo down the road would definitely have use for this new route, not to mention Ada and Tayo, they too visit the market. And of course my other siblings. O God thank you for choosing me to be acquainted with this knowledge first. You are always good to me.

Eh… wait, what is this I see infront of me, is this a beautiful crafted ecosystem which houses many different species of the animal kingdom such as snakes, other snakes and more snakes. Why am I speaking big grammar, omo na bush I see!!! Big Bush!! The kind bush wey tall pass me. The kind bush wey the fear of what is inside the bush is greater than what is inside the bush. The kind bush wey you know say you no fit tell anybody why you enter am… as in you gan sef go dey ask yourself “How do you feel, sebi na you dey feel like you sabi pass everybody… Ok now enter… I say enter.”

I looked at the slimly villainous creature that was my sister and began to wonder why I had let her tempt me so. Like honestly why did I listen to this Delilah. I began to calculate how long it would take me to turn back. Here were the facts. I had completed 50% of my original journey, with this detour I had walked an additional 25%, this meant that to go back I needed to walk back 25% then complete the remaining 50%. So all I had done is increase my journey by 50%. Oh God why did you let me fall prey to this Judas!! Ehn why… am I not a little child should you not protect me from these spurns of evil. What will I tell my mummy when a snake bites me eh... what?

My dear people I had to suffer the consequences of my fall from grace. Omo the way I ran through the bush you would have thought I was Mrs Usain Bolt. I mean there was not even a clear pathway; it was just a bunch of overgrown leaves that had been trampled due to one to many people stepping on them.

Needless to say I would pass this “Shortcut” another 10 or 20 times in my life. Story for another day. But I guess the point of all this my long ranting is of recent I am becoming more aware people trying to take the shortcut in life. Sometimes it is annoying things like going off the road when there is traffic. All those who take Lagos/Ibadan expressway can testify to this.

Or it can be riskier and involve travelling to another country on a visiting visa with no intention of ever returning. But why, is it really worth you putting your life on hold or the fear of immigration services. Looking at my own personal experience I only took that shortcut because I was trying to avoid putting in the necessary work. If the distance was too long, I could have employed other means to either improve my speed or improve the entertainment value of the journey. Either way I held the power in my hands.

Today we have youths complaining about lack of employment opportunities but when you have a discussion with them, very few have taken steps to empower themselves with the skills employers are looking for or skills that could turn them into entrepreneurs. Many choose the shortcuts to the promise land. But as they say “Easy come, easy go”

So my dear readers what are your thoughts on shortcuts, are they a necessary evil or an avoidable calamity.