Letting Go

I have always prided myself on being Miss Independent; largely due to my upbringing. When you live in a house which consisted majorly of women you quickly learn there really isn’t anything like boy’s tasks or girl’s tasks. Topping up the generator with petrol, washing the car and cooking Sunday breakfast we did it all. Yes, everything was game for everyone. I guess the person who benefited the most was my brother, he somehow turned into the dream husband for most women, he cooks, he cleans and is very well organized. Yes, as you can expect there are ladies lined up for two blocks trying to get his attention.

However, what are you to do when you suddenly realize that you might have to let go of some of that independence. How do you unlearn all the things you have held true for so many years? My first real encounter was when I found myself in a committed relationship, girls you know the one I am talking about, the type of relationship that makes you think are there really still men like this out there.

Yes, I found myself in that type of relationship and I found myself struggling with the concept of letting someone else take care of me. All I kept thinking was I can do that for myself I really don’t need you to do this or that or that. Needless to say, that caused a lot of friction but I survived and somehow managed to reprogram myself to let somebody else in.

Reflecting on the whole situation, I realize that my problem wasn’t necessarily the loss of my independence, having someone else share my responsibilities isn’t so bad. In fact, it is way better than having to do it all alone. I realize the problem was actually letting somebody else in. Being independent means that you have built a wall around yourself and having built this wall you know everything about the wall. You know its strong point, its weak points and the don’t even think about going there points. All of this means that the chances of this wall failing you are very minimal and there is a lot of comfort in knowing that.

To give this up means you introduce another wall that you need to depend on. This is risky business, you don’t really know anything about this wall and even when you claim to do this wall isn’t yours so it can fail you at any time. So we are all cautious and rather depend on our own wall. It is better to be safe than sorry.

But what happens when there is a sudden change that requires you to depend on another person's wall whether you like it or not. How do we deal with that? Right now all I can come up with is patience and prayer. Think about it now you have to depend on somebody else to get things done, you have to wait for them to do it in their own time, at their own convenience and the best part you cannot rush them. Isn’t that just a recipe for disaster? Maybe we should add fasting to my list: Prayer, fasting and Patience.

While I do not have a solution for the frustrations that you will face (I recommend a glass of wine) I do know that letting go might not be the worst thing in the world. Here is something to think about, unless we are ready to experience the unknown, how do we discover new and possibly better things? Think about it and good luck in letting go.

I am doing good

This week’s post is inspired by Kirk Franklin’s song 123 Victory, for those of you who haven’t heard it yet, you need to give it a go. I will even make it easy for you, click here to listen. I have always believed in the power of music. I believe music has the ability to awaken different emotions in us. Whether it is motivation, empathy, healing or praise. The right song just knows how to get us in the right mood.

The reason I think music is so powerful isn’t really the beat, although yes the beat can be fun. I have many memories of shameless alcohol induced dancing to back that up. I think the reason music is so powerful, are the words, the words are the ones that inspire the emotions in us.

Think about it, have you ever been exercising and about to give up, then Katy Perry’s roar starts to play, next thing you know, you get a surge of energy from some unknown reserve tank and you conquer your workout. Or your lying next to your significant other and John Legend’s all of you starts to play, next thing you know… well, I don’t think I am going to talk about that we can all imagine what happens next.

The point I am trying to make is the words in songs have power. Which takes me back to my initial song “123 Victory”, by now I expect you have all listened to it. If not stop reading and listen to the words of the song, then come back. Do you not find the words powerful, no matter what I am going through I am doing good.

Yes, there is definitely power in those words, however, did you all catch what he says at the end. He said “See the reason why you are doing good is because what is ahead of you, is greater than all things that were behind you. See, you got to understand that everything was already ordained before you got here, for you to do good”. Preach Kirk!! Preach!!!

How true are these words, I remember being an unemployed graduate, who walked to the train station every day because I needed to save money on bus fare and look at me now. Driving my gas guzzler everywhere. I remember wishing and praying I could go on holiday, know what a hamburger tasted like, even ride in an air conditioned car. I guess what I am trying to say is I remember praying for the things I have now. Thank you, lord.

For those of you yet to listen to the song, I think now is a good time to listen to it. And to those who have already listened to it, give it another go. So the next time life throws you a flaming hot s**t ball. You just step out of the way and say “I am doing good”.

On a final note, I hope I inspired some of you to donate last week. If not please donate, let's help others to do good too. 

Let us remember to give back.

I am writing this post because I just watched a video on youtube that reminded me of how fortunate and blessed I am and I was moved to want to do more. Growing up in Lagos, seeing beggars on the street was as common as seeing a poster of the latest Nollywood blockbuster. They were everywhere and I never really thought twice about them to me they blended into the background that made Lagos the city it was.

At the age of 10, I had an eye-opening experience with one of them. No, it isn’t what you are thinking I didn’t suddenly see them in the light they probably wanted me to but I saw them in a negative one. I remember the day clearly I was on my way home from school. Back then my school was so far away a school bus had to ferry me to and fro from school. The bus had almost reached its final stop but it was held back by a traffic warden, I was staring out the window probably dreaming of lunch when I looked down and saw a beggar really close to the wheels of the bus.  This particular beggar sat crossed leg on a small wooden plank with wheels underneath it. From initial assessment anyone who would have looked at him would come to the same conclusion, he was unable to walk.

I was instantly horrified, I thought the bus was going to crush his already damaged legs and I turned to raise the alarm about what was about to happen. However, something made me look back, I am not sure what, maybe I wanted to be sure the wheels would touch him or to assess how much time I had to stop the bus from moving, but I looked back. All I can say was I definitely wasn’t expecting what happened next.

This person saw exactly what I saw and I am guessing he did not want his legs to be crushed by the bus either, so he did the logical thing, he stood up moved away from danger and sat back down. He looked up to see my confounded face, laughed and continued on his way. From that moment on I never trusted anyone I saw begging for money. I believed they were all scam artists after my money.

As the years passed and I no longer saw the world through the eyes of a child, I could clearly see two things. I was fortunate and I was blessed. There is so much suffering and pain in this world, that I sometimes feel guilty that my worry is more about what am I going to eat today and not do I have anything to eat today. I often come across stories that make me kneel down and pray and say thank you, lord, that you picked me to have the life I have.

Maybe it was my prayers that finally, wiped that horrible memory from my mind, and allowed compassion to replace the distaste I felt for people in need. So I give back, in as many ways I can, I sponsor a child and a drug addict so both can have the life I have, I volunteer as often as I can and I donate to worthy causes. I came across one such cause, we all hear about internally displaced people in Nigeria. These people have been pushed out of their homes through no fault of their own. And now live lives none of us would wish upon anyone we know.

Let us extend a helping hand. I know things may be tight for everyone, I assure you I am feeling the pinch just as much as everyone (why is it life gets more expensive the older you are) but from my experience, I have found that the more that you give, the more you will receive. Please donate if you can to this cause https://www.gofundme.com/shipping-food-to-nigerias-idps and help feed those who cannot feed themselves. Thank you