If Only...

First I would like to apologize that I was MIA last week, I had one of those weeks where I rather not remember. You know the one I am talking about, the one that makes you want to stick your tongue out to the world and retract your membership to the world of adults.

Yes, I know it is very odd just a couple of weeks ago I was supporting the cause for everyone to embrace the world of adults and right now I am firmly standing in the opposite corner. To begin this sort of explains the week I had, so you all can’t judge me, you have all been there once or twice in your stints as an adult.

As an adult from the moment you wake up there is always a responsibility to be dealt with. As a parent, you have to deal with getting your child ready and as a single person you have to take care of yourself, whether it be feeding yourself or making the money to pretty much do anything and everything. There is never really a moment when you a truly responsibility free. Do you blame a woman for wanting a break once in a while?

As a child, I had no worries at all, except if you count wanting to be popular at school and sometimes wanting to be top of the class. Aside from those, I did not have a care in the world. Mummy and daddy were responsible for it all. When we ran out of food, mummy took care of that. When I needed money daddy took care of that and when I needed extra money well mummy’s party handbags took care of that. There was always N20 in there that could buy me biscuits.

 Why or why did I not realize what I had at that moment, honestly I would have savored that moment just a little bit more. I would have enjoyed the fact that I was been driven everywhere and constantly being asked if I was OK. Right now even if I am not OK, I am still expected to fix it.

I would have enjoyed the fact that I did not have to clean or do my laundry or pay bills. Everything I had was solely for me and I happily spent it on me. All the mallam’s (petty traders) in the area knew me well and always made sure a stack of my favorite treats were in stock.

Can I just not give back my membership to the world of adults, just for a day or maybe a week. A week and I will be good for about 6 months. For 6 months I would relive my memories of being totally carefree. It would almost be like going on a responsibility free holiday.

Yes, I can hear you all laughing at me… but a girl can dream… if only…if only…

Becoming an Adult

Most days at work I have lunch with the same person, I do this for multiple reasons one of them being she views me as a wise elderly sister and often seeks my advice on many things. I have to admit this does wonders for my ego and I come away from our lunches feeling like I should have my own advice column in a national newspaper.

We talk about everything and I mean everything, from Trump being well Trump, to the girl who every day seems to wear inappropriate clothing to work. I have come to the conclusion she must be an intern because sometimes she just looks like she might be going clubbing (OK I am just gossiping now).

Recently we were discussing the TV series “Girls”, for those who have never seen it, this show is about 4 twenty-something girls trying to navigate the pathway to becoming an adult. The show is pretty good, mostly because it is realistic in a lot of ways. Firstly, they use real women so the girls on the show look like how most of us look (big up for showing women of all shapes and sizes are beautiful). Second, the problems are relate-able. Most of us will at some point or the other go through the issues.

You would think with all these good things going for the show I and my friend would love it completely. It was actually the opposite, while we could relate to the characters and walk in their shoes, we could not help but just wish they would get their act together. For example, when the main character finally gets into a stable relationship, she chooses a guy which everybody but her can tell will lead nowhere. And then she gets upset that her relationship did not go anywhere. Like really!! Really!!!

This got me thinking when does it become acceptable for you to admit to yourself I am an adult and I need to make smart adult-like decisions. Is it in your twenties, thirties or until you finally stop feeling like a kid? A read two articles recently that did nothing but confuse me more, one was about a 32-year-old couch surfer. At 32 she still wanted to live in the big city, in the city center to be specific. The problem was she could no longer afford it, her solution, sleep on people’s couches until she figured it out. 

The other was about a 30-year-old who had managed to pay off his mortgage in 3 years.  For the last 3 years, he worked 3 jobs, lived on the barest minimum and even rented his house while he lived in the basement.  The result he is debt free and all the money he makes is for him. I could not understand why one person still could not make the decision to live according to their means and the other went the extra mile to achieve a feat most people would not. What makes an individual finally decide to grow up?

The answer, I haven’t the faintest clue but I do think that the people and environment you interact with daily does influence your decisions in life. For example, if you grow up in a community where going off to university is not considered important, you will most likely think the same way. If you have friends who are still interested in having a good time up till 40, again you will most likely think the same way.

Looking at this from another angle, if you grew up in that same community but you have a support system pushing you to want more, you might go off to university. Similarly, even if you have friends who are party animals, having a support system pushing you to do more, would give you the ability to separate your worlds and go on ahead to achieve more. 

Hmmm, maybe that is the answer, having a good support system. But I have come across people who have amazing support systems but still refuse to grow up. OK, I am officially back to square one, I haven’t the faintest clue. I guess the only thing left to do is add it to the list of things humans do that I will NEVER understand.

The Quest for equality

Hi everyone, International women's day is the 8th of March every year. As this was only a few days ago I decided to post something to honor that day. Enjoy

Many people who know me often ask if I am a feminist and my answer often gets a mixed response. I tell them I am not. I know it’s a shocker; I am an ideal candidate to be a feminist. While I do believe in the cause and support it I realized that if I decided to accept certain limitations in my life I could not truly call myself a feminist. So I have rather coined a new phrase to describe myself, I am a member of the ethical treatment of everyone.

While I do believe man and woman cannot be equal (don’t attack me, it is truly hard with so many variables that it makes rocket science look like a walk in the park) I do believe each gender should be treated ethically. One gender is not put on earth to serve the other and this goes both ways, men do not treat women as your personal maid and women do not treat men as your personal atm.

While there are many topics that I could discuss under this header I think one of the most controversial is sexuality. So I am going to be like a deer and headlights and run towards it. So hubby was watching a movie recently it was called “Road to yesterday”. The summary man marries woman, man decides to cheat on woman’s birthday, woman is distraught goes out on the town and makes a mistake, she too cheats but her accomplice leaves her with an eternal gift she gets to unwrap 9 months later.

Now I am not here to judge anyone, life is complicated enough as it is. However, I could not help but notice a familiar trend in hubby’s reaction. When the man cheated it was acceptable, in fact, it was almost the woman’s fault, she had to have pushed him to do it. But when it was the woman’s turn it was different, the point of no return had been crossed. She was vengeful, cruel, unfaithful, a stained person who deserved to be abandoned. Where came the understanding that she equally had been pushed to do it.

As for the child, well we all know the drill too well. The child is not welcomed in the house that was once a happy home. Would the case be the same if the child belonged to the man? Errrr… no, I can just hear the words now “You have to accept the child; it is your husband’s. Don’t worry your place in the house will not be given away you will always be the first wife”.

The reaction is the same even for those unmarried, a man enjoying his youth, exploring his sexuality is deemed acceptable. However, a woman attempts the same and well we all know the colorful words that will be used to describe her.

Do I think this will change sadly no I don’t, I think the fundamental difference between the genders will always prevent the dream of equality from happening. But what I think can change is how we treat each other. We can all be more accepting of one another and be willing to show the same understanding, kindness and forgiveness to each other, irrespective of our gender. We all need love at the end of the day.

I end this by saying why the road to equality might be a mythical quest which we never know might be a reality one day, but the road to ethical treatment of one another is very achievable by all. So the next time you want to judge a situation switch the roles, think if this was a woman (or man) would I react the same way. If not you might want to rethink your decision.